what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
