I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
