I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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