well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
What drink are we having for lunch?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
