Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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