First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
