I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
