something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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