I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
