Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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