I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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