were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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