moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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