yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
