My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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