There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
