So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
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Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
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I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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