hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
