So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
