well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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