If you die in college, do you die in real life?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
