If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
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woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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