so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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