I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
