What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
