I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
