he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
