Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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