My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
