I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
