Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
