I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize