my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
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No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
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I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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