Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
