He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
