yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He is an equal opportunity slut.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
