when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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