Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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