I smell stomach acid.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
