I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
