How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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