Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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