I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i now understand why vodka
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
