every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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