Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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