I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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