This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
