I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
