You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
