the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
