Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
