Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
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I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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