My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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