those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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