I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
