He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
