I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
