Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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