I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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