I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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