a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Rumble strips road head = magical
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
