remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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