Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
