I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
