He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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