Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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