We're facebook friends in real life
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
