We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
