Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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