Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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