I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
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Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
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I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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