today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
