i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
