how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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