I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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