Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
