Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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