My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
