Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
