there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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