Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
